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Nigeria Forum General Discussion Family The #1 Reason Guys Beat Up Their Girlfriends

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The #1 Reason Guys Beat Up Their Girlfriends
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football pundit Offline
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The #1 Reason Guys Beat Up Their Girlfriends
Rihanna may think that she's back to making sweet music together with her battering boyfriend, but she is sadly mistaken if she thinks he will never hit her again.

Men who batter rarely do it once, even if they are rich and famous. So if you're in a relationship with a guy who has pushed, hit or slapped you once, take it as a warning sign. You can expect him to do it again and again.

Here's everything you need to know about batterers, from domestic violence experts Diann Ackard, a PhD psychologist on the board of Break the Cycle, an organization specializing in the treatment of domestic abuse, and Candice Hopkins, director of Love is Respect, the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline.

1. Batterers have an intense need to control the women they love: The biggest misconception about these guys is that they have "anger management" issues. They don't. They don't blow up at work or at the driver who cuts into their lane. Instead they have an overwhelming need to control their loved one—how she dresses, where she goes and whom she talks to. That's why, before they actually start using physical violence to stay in control, they are often constantly phoning and text messaging the object of their affections so that they know exactly what she is doing at all times.

2. Batterers do genuinely love the women they beat up: In fact, they are often obsessively in love with their girlfriends or wives, which makes them even more jealous and controlling—they just don't know the proper way to express it. They most likely grew up in a home where there was violence. Apparently Chris Brown hated when his stepfather beat up his mom.

3. Batterers actually blame their girlfriends for forcing them to be violent: There's a very good chance that Chris Brown, to this day, blames Rihanna for starting the argument that left him with "no choice" but to attack her. In his mind, she had no right to look at the text message from his manager, Tina Davis. A batterer will tell himself and his girlfriend that SHE provoked the violence by looking at another guy, wearing a skirt that's too short or not cleaning up the kitchen fast enough.

4: Guy guilt works. Women blame themselves for provoking their boyfriends: They get brainwashed into believing that they've done something wrong—"it was my fault for leading him to think I was cheating." Apparently Rihanna blames herself for inciting Chris and has been terribly worried about how the incident and criminal charges could affect his career.

5. When batterers apologize it's another form of taking control: Guys who beat up their girlfriends can be dramatically remorseful—crying, begging for forgiveness and promising to never become violent again. Flowers and gifts like Rihanna's reported "$50,000 forgiveness" bracelet, can be typical. The apologies can seem so genuine that a battered girlfriend gets completely seduced back into continuing the relationship.
6. Guys who batter are insecure and have poor impulse control: It's weird. They can seem completely normal and stable at times. At work, they can present themselves as completely nice guys. It's the fear of losing their girlfriend or being unable to control her, that leads to the intense outbursts of rage and violence.

7. When guys batter they feel entitled to do it: They believe they have the right to use whatever means necessary to take control of the situation. If police arrive, they aren't ashamed of their behavior—they feel justified, i.e., "you deserved it, you were behaving like a slut."

8. If your boyfriend is violent, you've got to get out—it's unlikely he will be cured: Most batterers don't get the treatment they need in order to stop. They don't want help because they believe they are in the right. Furthermore, the beatings are likely to escalate over time. So don't follow Rihanna's example—ask for help from your close friends, family or a domestic abuse organization, and make a plan to leave ASAP.
06-13-2009 11:47 AM
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blaxigal Offline
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Post: #2
RE: The #1 Reason Guys Beat Up Their Girlfriends
Yes, if he can hit u then he DOESNT LOVE YOU. PERIOD.
12-16-2009 02:44 PM
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